Thursday, April 26, 2007
Hvnt seen him for 17 days, I miss him. Miss him so so so much.
No words can describe how much I miss him.
He met an accident 2day, luckily he was fine. But the poor car front smash. I always told him got to drive carefully dun drive too fast. Haiz. I was worried when his Mummy told me car front smash and vehicle cant moved. Wonder if he is alright. I sms him he told me he was alright. I was really worried for him.
Today dunno cried how many times again, I miss him.
Can somebody help me tell him. Its going crazy.
Wat shld I do?
9:34 AM
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Monday blues, was quite moody in the morning. Only got better in the afternoon.
This afternoon while working a song "now and forever" hit my mind. Lyrics goes "I'll try to show you each and every way I can, now and forever I will be your man"..
Another song is "nothing gonna change my love for you". Lyrics goes "Hold me now, touch me now, I dont want to live without you, nothing's gonna change my love for you, you ought to know by now how much I love you..". All so meaningful..
Ever since 2 weeks ago, yes933 had been playing the song 爱很简单 very frequently. Each time the song played, memories of him singing to me is automatically played in my mind. Aiyo..miss him so much lehz..
Get to know that Dear was sick last week, think the willy wonka chocolate cant give him now. Hopefully he is better now.
You are the only man I love..now and forever..
12:56 AM
Monday, April 23, 2007
Yesterday bath and waited for his sms. Untill 5+pm I still havent receive any sms.
Stayed home whole saturday, totally no mood to go out.
Sunday, woke up at 11am. Had breakfast, packed my room and off to auntie house. Its my grandpa 14th year death anniversary. I remembered 14 years back I cried terribly cos I was very close to grandpa thought I was young. Now its like just a blink of an eye and 14 years gone. If grandpa was around now and knows how sad am I, I am sure he will be equally sad. May he bless me and let my relationship with Don be revive.
Was listening to "tanya - beautiful love" and tears just rolled down. Followed by "david tao - 爱很简单" I cried even more terribly. As I listen to the song, as I cried I sms him "Reach home remember to let me know..drive carefully..you are always miss by me.." The kind of feelings in me is so terrible. There aint anything that I can do. Can only lie on my bed looking at the pooh bear he bought me and cry. My Woa Woa, my precious Dear, you really meant the world to me. I havent seen you for almost 14 days. I miss you so much. Miss everything about you.
Actually I wanted to go up his house (nearby bus stop) to probably wait for his car to come out of his house and take a look at him. But I didnt, fear he might see me and dont like it.
I am falling sick, throat painful and having flu. Think next might be fever.
Where is he? Can he come take care of me?
I need him.
12:02 AM
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Open my eyes this morning at 7+am and first thing in my mind was 2day is saturday which means no work, shut my eyes and continue to sleep till 11am. Think is still not enough later shall catch more sleep.
Yesterday got a call from alinna, she gonna enlist on 15/05/2007. A soon to be policer officer. Glad her dream came true and I am happy for her and I know she is real happy. Dont worry girl you can definately cope when you are in camp. Anything can still sms/call me. I be there for you. Gonna miss her when she is in camp.
Congrats to you, alinna.2day whole day dont know gonna do what. Sianz. Dear cousin sms me ask me if going up Dear house, I reply him said no, Dear also never ask me go and his cousin dont know what happen to us. Dear finish class at 5pm hopefully he will sms me ask me go up. I go bath now. Still hoping. Lets pray.
1:16 PM
Friday, April 20, 2007
Today is friday, so fast weekend is here again.
Just finished my lunch, back to my seat, looking at my hp, no message...haiz...cant help but feel sad again...I miss him...
Yesterday meet up with alinna at viviocity for dinner. Didnt know that there is a shop, candy empire, selling all kinds of chocolates, tibits, biscuits and sweets. I bought the willy wonka chocolate bar for Dear, its special because only candy empire have it. Hope he will like it. Chocolate is my favourite. Wish candy empire is mine...dream on...
Tombang nicholas car as he was sending alinna home...surprisingly he started to talk about Don. Lots of things was talked and advices was given but my mind is still in a mess. I smsed Don, asking him hows his day and studies but I didnt get any reply.
Haiz, whats he thinking up in his head? I am so sad lor, miss him but cant see him, cant hug him. I am again going crazy.
The kind of feeling anyone out there knows?
1:32 PM
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Meet up with alinna yesterday for dinner. I was actually feeling hungry but end up I only ate a few mouth and off the food into the rubbish bin. I know its wasteful but I just got no appetite.
We talked about many things and come to think of it many of our school mates or classmates already married and even gave birth. Time really files. When I first know alinna we was only 13 now we are almost 24. Old already...
Yesterday I was in a dilemma, should I msg him to tell him gdnitez. In the end I still msg him. I just miss him too much to not to msg him.
Does he knows that at the other end of Singapore there is a me thinking about him, missing him?
4:56 PM
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Haiz..think I am affecting people around me..
Can I go missing?
1:45 PM
Yesterday night I message him to send me a picture of himself, he asked me for what, I told him "miss you..want to see you.."
He sent me and I cried from 10+pm untill 12+am. I was listening to 爱很简单 and memories kept flashing through my head. The times that we had together, be it out for movies, shopping, dinners with our families, meet up with frens or even just plain slacking at his house, the laughters that we had, everything was beautiful. I know there is nothing I can do but my mind is really full of him. Each time when I recall I would cry. I know crying wouldnt solve the issue but I am a woman, a emotional freak woman.
Frens kept telling me, dont think too much, sleep early, keep yourself busy, dont sms him. But sad to say I can do non of the above. I keep thinking, couldnt sleep, no mood to work and I still sms him. I thanked those who stand by me, primary school frens, secondary school frens, mdis fren, other frens, my families and my Dear's families and aunties. I know everyone care for me and same as me wish we would carry on the relationship. But decision doesnt lie on me now, eveything lie
in his hands, to let this relationship continue or to destroy it.
This morning his Mummy came into office with a bag of my clothings.
She asked if did I ask him to pack? I told her no, again my uncontrollable tears dropped.
She told me his Daddy just talked to him on last sunday but I didnt ask how the talk goes. Later of the day I might ask his Mummy about the talk they had with him.
His Mummy told me she cooked fish porridge and ask me must eat dont disappoint her cos she already expect I definately wouldnt eat. What she had said to me, ask me dont disappoint her I feel bad cos I know she is worry about me and her son. And I know she hasn't been living a happy life for the past few months.
But I really got no appetite again.
My heart was like tearing terribly. I really feel like going into hiding. I am afraid. I dont wish all this to happen. Can we turn back time?
I looked through the bag, it was those clothings that I wear more frequently.
I asked myself does it mean anything or it was only because he scare I got no clothings to wear? Cos those clothes that I seldom wear, clothes that are for normal wear in his house, sleeping clothes and undies was not return back. Hopefully it was only he worried I got no clothes wear. I guess the seperate period will be at least 1 month.
I have been going around to pray, praying that things would be fine. May my prayers be answered. **alinna, my super good fren for almost 11 years, thank you for always standing by me. The consoles that you gave I really appreciate it. If anything were to happen to me I am sorry. Thanks for bringing me to the thai temple and may my prayers be answered. I'll never forget you for the rest of my life and I know you are a true fren to me.
11:01 AM
Monday, April 16, 2007
It has been a long time since I last post, many things had happened.
We was back from hong kong on 31 March 2007 (Sat).
On sun, he wanted to go out. I stopped him and he wasnt happy.
I was worried he might go find her.
09/04/2007 he was online, I asked him if he is still angry, he said dont know and he said he dont like me to stop him from going out. I explained the reason. But he said he cannot give me any chances and cannot forgive me. I cried, cried in the office and he said let him consider and he will tell me tues (10/04/2007).
10/04/2007, he smsed, he said he had think and he really cant give me the chance.
Many things was said and he suggested we seperate for a period of time. I agreed cos I dont want to force him and want him to cool down. I was in office and again I cried. I cant carry on. I cant. I cant live without him. Its all true love for him.
16/04/2007
I am at home now, no mood for work.
Actually for the whole last week everyday I was late.
And since 09/04/2007 I had been crying everyday. Before sleep I cry, wake up cry, lie on the bed cry, even now blogging also cry. I love him yes I do, he is the only guy that I had love so deeply. I cant live my life without him. I really cant.
My family members know something wasnt right, they asked me but I refused to say.
My Mother kept asking kept talking to me but I ignored her. I know she is concern.
Don I really love you, its true love, a love that began 9 years ago and untill now its still increasing and never will decrease. I miss you so much, its been a week since I last saw you. Hows your life? What are you doing? Did I ever came into your mind?
Each time I think,
I cry, cried terribly.
I am not strong at all.
I am weak, super weak.
I am collasping.
Do you know that?
Please come back to me.
10:59 AM
