Saturday, May 26, 2007
Last thursday when I stepped into office not long his Mummy asked me to go to her room. While walking to her room I already guessed wat she wanna ask. And yes I am right.
She asked me :
"Uncle asked me y u hvnt start ur course?" I told her starting soon.
"Uncle asked hw is u & him?" I told her dunno.
She told me :
"Uncle said he dotes on u a lot and tats y he taught u everything he know."
"Uncle said 1 u 2 study hard and do everything better than him."
"Auntie already treat u as my daughter in law."
I was already crying when she asked me the 1st question. When she carried on and said the rest I totally broke down. She cried as she was talking to me.
I really can feel everything. I love her.
In fact in my heart they are already my parents. Long time ago I already know they dotes on me they care for me. I would love to call them Daddy & Mummy. I would love to give them grandchild to carry.
I know very well tat all our family members, relatives and friends hope tat we would be fine. I myself hope tat too. Everything is in his hands nw.
**Dear I know u wouldnt get to know my blog address but still I want u to know tat I still care about u..I still love u as much as I love u in the past..I really wanna see u..I wanna hug u tightly..I miss u..most importantly I really hope u can give both u & me a chance to carry on our relationship..
11:23 PM
Monday, May 21, 2007
Hvnt blog for a long long time..mood is not there..& yes i m still waiting..
Last sunday, had a wonderful dream, i shall not talk about its details since gd dream arent allow to say out..but i wish i can stay in the dream forever..given a choice i would rather not wake up..
Was asking myself for the past few days, wat is life?..life suckz..life is torturing without u..wat is the purpose of living?..at this moment i really dunno..
Why did all these hv to happen to me?
Why arent these all a dream?
Why do i always end up crying?
Why do i always end up crying alone?
Why do i always end up crying in the middle of the night?
Why am i always having sleepless nights?
Why do i always wake up in the middle of the night?
Why do i always end up frustrated and vent it on my Mummy?
Why am i the one to suffer?
Why so many why..its all bcos of i love him..
i only wanna lead a happy life with him, is it so difficult?..a life which we will love each other..treasure each other..holding each other hands untill we turn old..
life is already so stressful..with work to worry..family to worry..all these i can tk it but i lost to "love"..its making me crazy..making me insane..making me wanna end my life..
i hate myself for being around in this world..let me vanish for good..
without him there is nothing worth living for..
wld u b der 2 love 2 b wif me..
wld u swear tat ur luv is always true..
wld u say tat u always b the 1 2 tk my breath away..
11:45 PM
Monday, May 7, 2007
yesterday nite didnt hv gd cos I miss him so much.
Was crying the nite away. Wtf y my eyes are just like water tap. It just ran non-stop untill 4+am. Only manage 2 sleep at about 5+am. Woke up 7+am. Lie on the bed till 8.05am. Work starts at 9am and I only left home at 8.35am.
Even when I am in office, hands was busy writing stuffs but mind yet so free 2 keep tinking of him and cried again. Call me a running tap, a cry baby. Who cares cos I just miss him so much till I am losing control of myself.
Didnt eat a single thing 2day and I know Dear Mummy is worried, she even poured water for me. Asked me 2 share her lunch with her, ask coffee auntie to make food for me, serve it on my table but I still didnt eat. Just got no appetite again.
其实我非常爱你 不想失去你
难道我没有权利说我不愿意
可知道我多渴望抓住你的心
我知道她很爱你 你怕她伤心
我每天假装开心 害怕你离去
可不可以忍心 求求你不要去
11:20 PM
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Y didnt u listen 2 me? Y still go and ask? He might misunderstand me u know.
Goodness guess I m back 2 few weeks back again. Fuck.
There are already so much misunderstandings in us and nw wat happen will he thought is me who is behind it.
And u also talked so straight forwardly 2 me, y tell me wat his Mummy said.
It hurts me so much. U know I m hoping for miracle and by telling me all those its lowering my morale. Its making me go crazy, makes me so fucking vex, makes me worry and so fuckig bad mood.
I miss him even more now. Had he thought over for the almost past 1 month?
I cant live without him. I cant.
12:09 PM
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Our office shifting soon and nwadays busy packing.
Dear uncle is in hospital, visited him and can see tat he is really suffering. Y did this hv 2 happen 2 his uncle? His children are still so young. If anything happen can the wife tk it? I doubt so. Guess his auntie must be feeling so helpness, cos knowing tat her husband had got lung cancer and probably left 6mths-12mths of life and yet there is nothing she can do.
Y create human and let human suffer? It just suckz.
Met up with alinna but I was late for almost 2hrs. - Gal I'm sorry.
But work gotta finish and must visit his uncle otherwise I will feel very bad. - You shld know me well.
alinna told me bout her bf proposing 2 her. It was indeed a very surprising and a different 1. Involve police officers and vehicles. Really happy for her. Lucky girl being so loved by nicholas. Seriously I yearn for Dear 2 do so.
Couples shld be this way, treasuring each other. Cos I always tink after this life will we ever meet again or we might not even know each other.
Read silin blog just now, can see tat she still loves terence and I tink terence still loves her. Then y dun the 2 of them have a chat and solve things. Y gotta end things this way? Isnt it 2 harsh? Well, duno wats in their heads.
25 days nve see him le and yes till this moment I m still crying as and when, especially when I m alone and when going 2 bed. I really miss him. Does he knows tat? Does he know hw I feel? Did he consider my feelings? I have been acting in front of his parents, my family, my frens and my colleagues. Trying 2 pretend I m perfectly ok cos I know they r all worry about me. But seriously I feel damn bloody down in me but I didnt tell any1 cos no 1 understand except myself. I had been very rude 2 my Mummy, I feel bad about it but I m really feeling down and wat she asked makes me very vex. Haiz.
Days without u are the hardest 2 cope.
Was looking through the pictures I took at dbl o. I find tat the smiles on my face r so fake. Tat isnt Anna. Where is she? Where is the lucky Anna tat lots of ppl envy? Y did things became like tat? I really dunno. Only wish things were fine.
My dear I really miss u, will u give us a chance?
1:05 AM
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Woke up early 2day.
Went office for a while and after tat went 2 the temple 2 pray.
After tat went 2 raffles city, 2 queue for yummy donuts for my Dear.
Goodness the queue was damn super super long. But I still queue. I reached the shop at 3.45pm, queue was super super slow lor. Forgotten 2 bring magazine and hp low batt. Got nothing to do while queueing lor. Can only look here look there. By the time I got the donuts it was already 7pm. Can u imagine I queue for 3hrs 15mins. When I left raffles city I was tinking hw did I manage 2 queue so long. Guess its because I am buying things for my dear and thats y I was so patient.
After tat head down 2 his house, wanna pass him the donuts. Sms him then realised he was out for dinner with his parents. I told him I left the donuts outside his house and he ask me 2 pass 2 his neighbour cos nobody at home.
Only after senting the donuts 2 his house then I felt my legs r tired, my mouth r thirsty and I hvnt go toilet for hrs.
He ate the donuts and said its nice.
Knew he likes 2 eat yummy food tats y I queued 2 get the donuts despite the queue was really really long.
My legs are aching after long hrs of standing but nothings beats the feeling of missing him..
12:06 AM
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
saturday (28/04/2007) - Went to help out in shifting some stuffs into our new office. Reached home about 2+pm. Tired, wanted to tk a nap but just couldnt sleep. carol asked me out and meet up with her at orchard for a walk at 6+pm. We proceed to coffee club had our drinks and chatting session. alex asked us go clubbing at dbl o and was supposed to meet them 10.45pm outside dbl o. And 10.45pm me and carol still at coffee club. Rush there end up they hvnt reach. Alex and guys came shortly. Drinks follow by drinks. Tequila shots, vodka orange and beer. photos after photos. Dance after dance. drinks at dbl o was definately cheap cheap cheap. Tink I was dead drunk, feeling so freaking down, tears drop and after that I dont know wat happen.
Gosh tink I fell asleep outside dbl o lor, so pai seh. Reach home 5+am, went straight to bed without washing up...
sunday (29/04/2007) - Slept whole day, head damn bloody pain...no appetite to eat...
Is this wat I want?..definately not..I want u..
10:54 AM
