Friday, September 28, 2007
Day 24 (28/09/2007) Without Don Lim
I had a happy thursday with him. Every moment with him was a wonderful one.
We went to visit Ah Gong together. Can see Ah Gong is really suffering...
But untill 20mins ago before I wrote this post, I saw that slut posted a picture of them on friendster. Once again I collapse...
3:19 AM
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Day 23 (27/09/2007) Without Don Lim
Monday morning he told me his Ah Gong was admitted into hospital since sunday. Poor Ah Gong suffering from lung cancer and this round Ah Gong vomited blood. Doc say its anytime liaoz...haiz so sad...
He didnt came to work since tuesday and I miss him loads, wish I can be there with him to visit Ah Gong. He, his parents and relatives were at hospital in case any time Ah Gong...think the absence of me makes them wonder what happen to us...I wanna visit Ah Gong so much...but the fact that so many people will be there makes me so stressful and I think he doesnt want such a scenrio too.
I know the fact that Ah Gong is suffering in pain but I still wish that he can pull through and wait untill the day Don & Me patch back get married and serve him a cup of tea calling him Ah Gong officially...
He is coming to work later...yeah can see him le...
see the Don that I love so deeply...
12:39 AM
Friday, September 21, 2007
Day 16 (20/09/2007) Without Don Lim
Something meaningful..
To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLELove is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it.
Love can make you happy but often it hurts,
but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it.
So take your time and choose the best.
To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLELove isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.
It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.
To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPENever say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...
To My Friends Who Are............MARRIEDLove is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.
To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGEDThe true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.
To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKENHeartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.
To My Friends Who Are............NAIVEHow to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.
To My Friends Who Are............POSSESSIVEIt breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.
To My Friends Who Are............AFRAID TO CONFESSLove hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.
To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ONA sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go.....
TO ALL MY FRIENDS.......My wish for you is a man/women whose love is honest, strong, mature, never-changing, uplifting, protective, encouraging, rewarding and unselfish.
12:10 AM
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Day 15 (19/09/2007) Without Don Lim
Met up with annie for dinner yesterday.
The first thing she said was she was so heart broken to see how I am now.
She asked me to wait for him. Wait for him to come back to me. I told her I will definitely wait but now is the waiting process that is so painful. Told her I just dont know how to carry on. Told her I cant see the smile I used to have. Everything is different now. Just seems to be living for the sake of him. Not trying to gain pity but thats just how I felt. I just cant bear to leave him.
Recently heard so many similar cases around me. Just what happen? Are piggys really so suay this year?
Well to me I felt all this are controllable and its all up to individual.
And those who snatch away others guy they arent properly educated by their parents. Anyway this kind of people are just sluts who only care for themselves and ignore the fact that they are hurting others and most importantly it might even cost a person live. I believe they will have their retribution. I'll open my eyes wide to see.
lsy, you freaking bitch/slut, I freaking hate you to the max. You just sucks. Stop acting like an angel, you make me wanna puke. Dont be too happy cos what comes around goes around. I'll open my eyes wide to see whats your retribution.
1:31 AM
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Day 14 (18/09/2007) Without Don Lim
Last wednesday went movie with him, we watched 881. Its a movie with touching songs but in hokkien. The feeling with him was exactly the same only we didnt hold hands. Still I clinched onto his arms, I hugged him, I kissed him. I cant let go. He send me up to the lift landing, waving byes to each other hurts me. Just as I walked along the corridor I called him for a short chat. After hanging up, I smsed him, ask him if he has got any feelings, he replied with yes abit. I was contented.
Last friday, on msn he said treating me dinner on my birthday is only as a fren. I didnt reply initially. He asked if I was angry. I replied no. And he told me then he fang xin. I asked him what he mean by fang xin. He told me he scare I think too much again, but he want to start back from good fren and dont wanna always avoid me and may be after a while feeling will come back. I replied ya hopefully feeling will come back. He replied ya but it will take time. I replied yes I know and told him anyway my mind is set and my heart can only accomodate you.
I pray!..
Last saturday was my birthday, he came and picked me up at 7+. I prepared sushi for him. Glad he didnt say its horrible. He said its ok lor. We went to dinner at Gyukaku at Chijmes. Dinner session with him makes me so contented though I know its only a dinner. Having him right in front of me makes me wanna fly high. I just love the feelins. I didnt treasure our times in the past and now I regretted.
We took pictures in the restaurant and goodness I was damn happy with the pictures. The closeness with him, face against face its making me cloud nine.
Took pictures in the car again and yes I love the pictures too. Got my birthday kisses from him in his car too. It just sealed my heart.
During the dinner I asked him many things. Like if that bitch never ask him if he accompanying me on my birthday. He said no but he is a lousy actor. His facial expression gave him off. He send me home after dinner cos he failed his exams and need to study for sub paper. Anyway definately is studying with that bitch but what can I do? Once again at the lift landing waving byes hurts, again I called him while walking on the corridor for a short chat. After hanging up I smsed him told him thanks and I really enjoyed the dinner so much. I asked if he enjoyed it as while. His reply was ya I enjoyed too. Glad!
Today, he's busy studying for his sub paper. Absence makes the heart fonder.
I miss him. Can only see him on friday. The kind of stupid feeling is back, making me so miserable once again. Again I cried. I hate the feeling of losing him. I just hate it. For the past 2 weeks I've been waking up in the middle of the night. making me so tired the next day.
Can someone out there tell me why all these had to happen? Why am I the one?
I wish there was this medicine to be able to erase all my memories. Or like what I had mentioned to waiwai earlier on that I wish I can just sleep to death. Everything is just too much for me to take. Ling said pull myself together but I just cant. The feeling in me are too much for me to control, I'm losing it. Lying on my bed each time I felt so terrible. Telling myself everything was just a dream but each time I woke up its actually still a fact.
I wanna tell him, I dont wanna leave him bt I know he doesnt like it and will feel that I'm stressing him. but no ones knows how I felt deep down in me. Feel like just dieing and stop everything. Its a pure love why turn out this way. Why?
Didnt you know how much I love you?
7:21 PM
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Day 7 (11/09/2007) Without Don Lim
Its still as painful as ever.
I've got many things in my mind and yet I dont know where to start typing.
How do I carry on?
11:19 PM
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Day 5 (09/09/2007) Without Don Lim
Been seeing him everyday in office for consecutive 5 days.
Everyday he would asked me out for lunch and thats the only meal I would take for the whole day. I know he dont want to see me starve and thats why he asked me out for lunch. In front of him I tried to be strong cos I dont want him to worry about me but once he leave office tears would flow.
Untill now I cant believe whats happening are real.
Things are running in my mind everyday, its him and nothing but him. How am I gonna live on? Its so painful. Friends are there for me but I just couldnt stand up.
Tears shed everyday and I know tears wouldnt bring him back to me. But I really dont wanna lose him. Why me?
Even he himself asked me why do I still loves him after he had done so much to hurt me. Sorry its just unexplainable and I dont know why.
I miss all the things that we had done together. I miss all the places that we had been to. I miss watching him sleep so soundly. I miss our cooking session and slacking mments in his house. I miss our movies and shopping sessions together. I miss him.
He conquerored me long ago and I cant live my life without this guy anymore. I just wanna be with him. Please..
3:06 PM
Friday, September 7, 2007
Day 3 (07/09/2007) Without Don Lim
All at once,
I finally took a moment and I'm realizing that
Your not coming back
And it finally hit me
All at once
All at once
I started counting teardrops and at least a million fell
My eyes began to swell
And all my dreams were shattered
All at once
Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
So I must face it all alone
All at once
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now
All at once
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once
All at once,
I looked around and found that you were with another love
In someone else's arms
And all my dreams were shattered
All at once
All at once
The smile that used to greet me brightened someone else's day
She took your smile away
And left me with just memories
All at once
Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
So I must face it all alone
All at once
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now
All at once
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once
**I really wanna be with you, be with you untill my last breath on earth..**
10:08 AM
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Day 1 (05/09/2007) Without Don Lim
Yesterday change everything.
I decided to ask him if he has got the answer (At that moment I was praying for good news). He told me he dunno. After lots of msn-ing he told me that he tried to savage our relation but he just dont know why the feeling is just not back. I told him things that he had done only shows that he wanna show that gal how much he loves her and not trying to save our relation. And he is only hurting me deeper and deeper. And finally he decided that we shall be friend. And while we be friends he also wanna reconsider. Will he really reconsider?
He told me we started as fren who knows one day he will realise I'm good and comes back to me. But what if he dont?
I broke down cried endlessly in office. Everybody saw it. But I dont care cos someone so precious to me had come to such a decision. Untill 7 plus in office he suddenly pick up his bag cried and wanna dash out of office. His parents stopped him. At that moment I told meself I'm the cost of everything. I give up. I will goes with his decision to make everyone happy. I'll shoulder everything myself than to see him cry see him sad.
His decision makes me felt damn terribly sad hurt pain. I dont know how am I gonna carry on with my life. I wish god will just take me away for good. End my pain once and for all. Family friends and him might feel sad at the beginning but I'm sure after a period of time everyone will just forget it. I am selfish to say all these but I just cant take it any more. Its so painful. I dont wanna see the world any more.
I cant accept the fact. I dont wanna be fren with you.
12:07 AM
Monday, September 3, 2007
Had a family gathering dinner with him on saturday..he picked me up from my house and through out the journey we did talk but not much..being able to see him I am already so contented..there some teasing from him to disturb me and I felt it was just like the past..
He sent me home and only untill i reached my house doorstep I told him if he would mind sending me to conrad hotel to meet up with my frens..he didnt scold me and yet send me there..
In his car, this song ai hen jian dan was played and he sang it..once again i was so contented to hear him sing..simply melt my heart..watch him drive I'm also contented..can see him I'm so contented..
I prayed hard that we could be the same again...
12:29 AM
