Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Day 14 (18/09/2007) Without Don Lim
Last wednesday went movie with him, we watched 881. Its a movie with touching songs but in hokkien. The feeling with him was exactly the same only we didnt hold hands. Still I clinched onto his arms, I hugged him, I kissed him. I cant let go. He send me up to the lift landing, waving byes to each other hurts me. Just as I walked along the corridor I called him for a short chat. After hanging up, I smsed him, ask him if he has got any feelings, he replied with yes abit. I was contented.
Last friday, on msn he said treating me dinner on my birthday is only as a fren. I didnt reply initially. He asked if I was angry. I replied no. And he told me then he fang xin. I asked him what he mean by fang xin. He told me he scare I think too much again, but he want to start back from good fren and dont wanna always avoid me and may be after a while feeling will come back. I replied ya hopefully feeling will come back. He replied ya but it will take time. I replied yes I know and told him anyway my mind is set and my heart can only accomodate you.
I pray!..
Last saturday was my birthday, he came and picked me up at 7+. I prepared sushi for him. Glad he didnt say its horrible. He said its ok lor. We went to dinner at Gyukaku at Chijmes. Dinner session with him makes me so contented though I know its only a dinner. Having him right in front of me makes me wanna fly high. I just love the feelins. I didnt treasure our times in the past and now I regretted.
We took pictures in the restaurant and goodness I was damn happy with the pictures. The closeness with him, face against face its making me cloud nine.
Took pictures in the car again and yes I love the pictures too. Got my birthday kisses from him in his car too. It just sealed my heart.
During the dinner I asked him many things. Like if that bitch never ask him if he accompanying me on my birthday. He said no but he is a lousy actor. His facial expression gave him off. He send me home after dinner cos he failed his exams and need to study for sub paper. Anyway definately is studying with that bitch but what can I do? Once again at the lift landing waving byes hurts, again I called him while walking on the corridor for a short chat. After hanging up I smsed him told him thanks and I really enjoyed the dinner so much. I asked if he enjoyed it as while. His reply was ya I enjoyed too. Glad!
Today, he's busy studying for his sub paper. Absence makes the heart fonder.
I miss him. Can only see him on friday. The kind of stupid feeling is back, making me so miserable once again. Again I cried. I hate the feeling of losing him. I just hate it. For the past 2 weeks I've been waking up in the middle of the night. making me so tired the next day.
Can someone out there tell me why all these had to happen? Why am I the one?
I wish there was this medicine to be able to erase all my memories. Or like what I had mentioned to waiwai earlier on that I wish I can just sleep to death. Everything is just too much for me to take. Ling said pull myself together but I just cant. The feeling in me are too much for me to control, I'm losing it. Lying on my bed each time I felt so terrible. Telling myself everything was just a dream but each time I woke up its actually still a fact.
I wanna tell him, I dont wanna leave him bt I know he doesnt like it and will feel that I'm stressing him. but no ones knows how I felt deep down in me. Feel like just dieing and stop everything. Its a pure love why turn out this way. Why?
Didnt you know how much I love you?
7:21 PM
